The Best Funny Quotes for life: Don’t miss these funny doctor jokes Dude, this funny guy is like super famous! Charlie Chaplin was like, “Yo, a day without laughter is a total waste,” and we’re totally on board with that, man. If you’re having a rough day or know someone who needs a pick-me-up, laughter is seriously the best remedy. And the best part is, there are tons of ways to make yourself laugh.
It’s an amusing way of viewing the situation, sort of like an over-the-top government such as the humorous Rebellion Of The Penguins or a play on funny words such as the comedic play on words, “The Funk Brothers”. “So real! I’ve been thinking that all of these quotes for work, love, friends, and family are hilarious! Since it makes sense to me. I’m sure some will get you recalling those hilarious, meme-worthy movie and TV moments.
The Best Funny Quotes Ever
1. Singing in the shower is all fun and games until you get shampoo in your mouth, then it just becomes a soap opera.
2. Life is not a fairy tale. If you lose your shoe at midnight you’re drunk.
3. Marriage is the only war in which you sleep with the enemy. Francois de la rochefoucauld
4. If we’re not meant to have midnight snacks, why is there a light in the fridge?
5. If I died I want my friends to keep updating my status to freak people out.
6. I’ve met some pricks in my time, but you my friend, are the 108 f*cking cactus.
7. Funny how drinking 8 cups of water a day seems like it’s impossible but 8 beers and 6 shots in 3 hours go down like a fat kid on a see-saw…
8. Who wants to open a doughnut shop next to a medical marijuana place and call it “glazed and confused?”
9. 14808 When someone says: “expect the unexpected” slap them and say: “you didn’t expect that,did you?”
10. The dumbest thing i’ve ever purchased was a 2024 planner.
11. You can’t always control who walks into your life… But you can control which window you throw them out of
12. An apple a day keeps anyone away if you throw it hard enough
13. Sorry i’m late I got here as soon as I wanted to.
14. Of course i’m an organ donor. Who wouldn’t want a piece of this?
15. I hope I never go to jail because I haven’t memorized a phone number since 2001.
16. I’m not bossy. I’m aggressively helpful!
17. I’m so good at sleeping that I can do it with my eyes closed.
18. When the machines rise up against the humans, just pray to god that you’re nowhere near a dildo factory.
19. If one door closes and another one opens, your house is haunted and you need to run.
20. Corona virus has turned us all into dogs. We roam the house looking for food. We’re told “no” if we get too close to strangers. And we get really excited about car rides and walks.
21. As I have grown older, i’ve learned that pleasing everyone is impossible, but pissing everyone off is a piece of cake
22. Someone just called me normal… I have never been so insulted in my entire life…
23. They said a mask and gloves were enough to go to the grocery store they lied, everybody else had clothes qn
24. I started out with nothing… I still have most of it.
25. My 90 day trial of 2024 is up. I would like to unsubscribe.
26. I wish my life had background music so I could understand what the hell is going on.
27. I don’t even believe myself when I say i’ll be ready in 5 minutes
28. I’m not a smartass… I am a skilled, trained professional in pointing out the obvious and I speak fluent sarc
29. If someone throws a stone at you. Throw a flower at them. But pe remember to throw the flower pot with it.
30. A best friend is someone who when you show up at their door with a dead body they say nothing, grab a shovel and c follow you.
31. People say love is the best feeling, but I think finding a toilet when you are having diarrhea is better.
32. Dealing with some people is like trying to nail jello to a wall.
33. If you’re sitting in public and a stranger takes the seat next to you, just stare straight ahead and say, “did you bring the money?”
34. Sometimes, the most important lessons in life are the ones we learn the hard way.
35. Mirrors dont lie and lucky for you they dont laugh
36. Gonna go lay under the christmas tree to remind my family that i’m a gift
37. If I was meant to be controlled I would 2 have come with a remote.
38. Never in my wildest dreams did I imagine i’d go up to a bank teller with a mask on asking for money.
39. I never make the same mistake twice. I make it five or six times, just to be sure.
40. Potatoes make french fries, chips, and vodka. It’s like the other vegetables aren’t even trying.
41. I just checked my account balance at the atm. It printed me a coupon for ramen noodles.
42. I’m broke but not like poor broke. I’m classy type of broke. I’m broqué
43. Life doesn’t have any hands, but it can sure give you a slap sometimes.
44. Stupidity comes in all shapes and sizes. Some of them even look like people!
45. I’ve reached that age where my brain goes from “you probably shouldn’t say that.” To “what the hell, let’s see what happens.”
46. “Mirrors don’t lie and lucky for you they don’t laugh.” – Anonymous
Funny Images and Quotes
Are you turning older today? Check out these cute and funny happy birthday to me quotes you can tell yourself today. Happy Birthday!
I’ve met some pricks in my time, but you are my friend, are the f*cking cactus. – Anonymous
My grandmother started walking five miles a day when she was sixty. She’s ninety-seven now, and we don’t know where the hell she is. Ellen DeGeneres
I finally realized that people are prisoners of their phones… that’s why it’s called a “cell” phone. – Anonymous
My definition of an intellectual is someone who can listen to the William Tell Overture without thinking of the Lone Ranger. Billy Connolly
You love flowers, but you cut them. You love animals, but you eat them. You tell me you love me, so now I’m scared! – Anonymous
The broccoli says ‘I look like a small tree’, the mushroom says ‘I look like an umbrella’, the walnut says ‘I look like a brain’, and the banana says ‘Can we please change the subject?’ Anonymous
“Be crazy, be stupid, be silly, be weird. Be whatever, because life is too short to be anything but happy.” — Anonymous
“If one door closes and another one opens, your house is haunted and you need to run.” – Anonymous
“Most of the time… when you’re crying, nobody notices your tears. Most of the time… when you’re worried, nobody feels your pain. Most of the time… when you’re happy, nobody sees your smile. But when you fart just one time…” — Anonymous
“I have tried to know absolutely nothing about a great many things, and I have succeeded fairly well.” — Robert Benchley
“Someone just called me NORMAL – Minions quotes for funny”
“I want to change my name on Facebook to “Nobody,” so when I see someone posting something stupid I can Like their post and it will say “Nobody likes this.” — Anonymous
“I want to change my name on Facebook to “Nobody,” so when I see someone posting something stupid I can Like their post and it will say “Nobody likes this.” — Anonymous
“I’m sick of following my dreams, man. I’m just going to ask where they’re going and hook up with ’em later.” — Mitch Hedberg
Funny Quotes
Birthdays are meant to be full of laughter and cheer. When your bestie opens his or her birthday card, you’ll know why they can’t stop smiling. Pick out one of these funny happy birthday quotes or mix and match them with your own words to craft the perfect cheers to a great friend, a great b-day, and great wishes
