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35 Short Funny Quotes About Life to Make You Laugh

Awesome Short Funny Quotes About Life to Make You Laugh “I don’t broadcast every high & I don’t hide every low. I’m trying to live. I’m not trying to convince the world I have a life.”

Our collection of funny quotes which are short, easy to remember but still hilarious “All my life I tho air was free until I bough bag of chips.”

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1. “The mind replays what the heart can’t delete.”

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2. “I’m not rude I just have the balls to say what everyone else is thinking.”

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3. “The most dangerous phrase in any language is “We’ve always done it this way.”

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4. “I walk around like everything is fine, but deep down, inside my shoe, my sock is sliding off.”

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5. “Why be moody when you can shake yo booty”

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6. “You know you’re an adult when you get excited to just go home.”

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7. “Maybe swearing will help”

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8. “Don’t die before you’re dead.”

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9. “Don’t forget to drink water and get some sun. You’re basically a houseplant with more complicated emotions.”

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10. “Just before I die, I am going to swallow a bag of popcorn kernels. My cremation is going to be epic!”

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11. “Please cancel my subscription to your issues.”

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12. “Just remember that whatever you put up with, you end up with.”

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13. “My parents spanked me as a child as a result, I now suffer from a psychological condition known as “Respect for others”

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14. “When life shuts a door … open it again. It’s a door. That’s how they work.”

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15. “Three doors in hell a guy gets hit by a car and goes to hell. When he gets there, the devil is standing in front of 3 doors. The devil says, “It’s your lucky day. I’m gonna give you a chance to get out of hell. You have to complete 3 tasks. “Behind this first door is a 1-gallon jug of Jack Daniel’s. You have to drain it in one drink. “Behind the second door is a 600 lb. grizzly bear with a sore tooth. You have to pull the tooth out. “Behind the third door is a nymphomaniac. When you’ve completely satisfied her, you can leave.” The guy figures it’s worth a shot, so he goes in”

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16. “The distance between your dreams and reality is discipline.”

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17. “Let’s face it – some people drain the nice right out of you.”

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18. “More times than not, your knight in shining armor, turns out to be an idiot wrapped in tin foil.”

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19. “Stupid people are like glow sticks. I want to snap them and shake the shit out of them until the light comes on.”

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20. “The funny thing about kids is, they are the reason we lose it, and the reason we hold it together”

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21. “If you fall, I’ll be there.”

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22. “Sometimes Sometimes I can’t tell if I’m in preschool or high school. Oh wait, I’m waiting, I’m at work.”

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23. “When you feel like stopping think about why you started”

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24. “Some days, the best thing about my job is that the chair spins”

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25. “I forgive a lot, but I never forget what’s said and done.”

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26. “Be advised: Lack of planning on your part does not constitute an emergency on my part.”

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27. “Some days I amaze myself. Other days I look for my phone while I’m talking on it.”

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28. “If you’re absent during my struggle, don’t expect to be present during my success.”

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29. “My heart has no room for you, but the trunk of my car definitely does.”

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30. “I always say “Morning” instead of “Good morning” because if it were a good morning I’d still be in bed asleep”

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31. “If my mouth doesn’t say it, my face definitely will.”

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32. “I’m at that age where my mind still thinks I’m 29, my humor suggests I’m 12 while my body mostly keeps asking if I’m sure I’m not dead yet.”

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33. “Knowledge is knowing a tomato is a fruit. Wisdom is not putting it in a fruit salad.”

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34. “I don’t understand why people have to “get ready” for bed. I’m always ready for bed.”

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35. “Sometimes we have to remove people without warning we’re getting too old to be explaining what they already know they’re doing wrong.”

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Short Funny Quotes About Life to Make You Laugh
Short Funny Quotes About Life to Make You Laugh

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