70 Cute Funny Jokes to Tickle Your Funny Bones

When you run out of things to say, sometimes all you need is a good short funny joke to get things going again. Whether it’s met with groans like most dad jokes or a light trickle of laughter like a good pun, a funny short joke can always bring life back to a dull evening.

The best thing about this list of short, funny jokes is that they are all clean and can be told to both kids and adults. When you teach a child how to tell jokes, you help them improve their wit, timing, and language. Inadvertently, this also boosts their self-esteem. Plus, all of these jokes are short, so there isn’t much to remember.

Whether you want to make kids laugh or start a fun conversation with coworkers during happy hour, these short jokes are sure to do the trick! Look at this list and pick the ones you like best.

• Why did the scarecrow win an award? Because he was outstanding in his field.
• How do you mend a jack-o-lantern? With a pumpkin patch.
• What is an insect’s favorite sport? Cricket.
• What sits at the bottom of the sea and twitches? A nervous wreck.
• What do you call a priest that becomes a lawyer? A father-in-law.
• What do cheerleaders eat for breakfast? Cheerios!
• What do you call it when a snowman throws a tantrum? A meltdown.
• I sold my vacuum the other day. All it was doing was collecting dust.

• Why did the restaurant hire a pig? He was good at bacon.
• What did Dory order from McDonald’s? The Big MacKerel!
• What do cows most like to read? Cattle-logs.
• Why couldn’t the pony sing? Because she was a little hoarse.
• Why don’t blind people skydive? Because it scares their dogs.
• How do you tell if a vampire is sick? By how much he is coffin.
• What do you call a group of disorganized cats? A cat-tastrophe.
• How did the dinosaur build her house? With a dino-saw.
• What do you call a pudgy psychic? A four-chin teller.
• When should you take a plum to dinner? If you can’t find a date!
• What kind of doctor fixes broken websites? A URLologist.
• Why can’t you hear a pterodactyl go to the bathroom? Because the “P” is silent!
• What do you get when you drop a piano down a mine shaft? A flat minor.
• Why did the witches’ team lose the baseball game? Their bats flew away.
• Why do seagulls fly over the sea? Because if they flew over a bay, they would be bagels.
• What does a triceratops sit on? Its tricera-bottom!
• How long does it take to make butter? An echurnity!
• Why did the ghost go to rehab? He was addicted to boos.
• What is the tallest building in the entire world? The library, because it has so many stories.

• Who eats snails? People who don’t like fast food!
• Why are teddy bears never hungry? Because they’re always stuffed!
• Why did the dinosaur go to the doctor? He had an eye-saur.
• What do you call a beehive without an exit? Unbelievable.
• What do you call a pile of cats? A meow-tain.
• What’s orange and sounds like a parrot? A carrot!
• Where do hamburgers go dancing? They go to the meat-ball.
• Why do bees have sticky hair? Because they use honeycombs.
• What kind of music do planets like? Neptunes.
• What do you call ticks in space? Luna-ticks.
• What does corn say when you give it a compliment? Aw shucks!
• How many times can you subtract from Once. The next time you would be subtracting from 90.
• What starts with E, ends with E, and has only 1 letter in it? An Envelope.
• What kind of fish loves going to battle? A swordfish!
• What musical instrument do you find in the bathroom? A tuba toothpaste!
• What is a computer’s first sign of old age? Loss of memory.
• What kind of lights did Noah have on the ark? Flood-lights!
• What has more lives than a cat? A frog, because it croaks every night.
• What does Charles Dickens keep in his spice rack? The best of thymes, the worst of thymes.
• What do you call a bee that can’t make up its mind? A Maybe.
• What do lawyers wear to work? Lawsuits.
• Why did the tomato turn red? It saw the salad dressing.
• Why did the bullet end up losing his job? He got fired.
• What kind of tree fits in your hand? A palm tree!
• What’s red and bad for your teeth? A brick.

• What do you call a rooster staring at a pile of lettuce? A chicken sees a salad.
• Where does the General keep his armies? In his sleevies!
• What’s a cat’s favorite color? Purrr-ple.
• How do you drown a hipster? Throw him in the mainstream.
• What did Venus say to Saturn? Give me a ring.
• What doesn’t get any wetter no matter how much it rains? The ocean.
• What do you call sad coffee? Despresso.
• What do you call a dog that’s been run over by a steamroller? Spot!
• Why should you never trust stairs? They’re always up to something.
• What do you call a lazy kangaroo? A pouch potato.
• What runs but never goes anywhere? A refrigerator.
• What happens to a frog’s car when it breaks down? It gets toad away.
• What do you call a dinosaur that asks a lot of deep questions? A philosiraptor.
• Why are ghosts good cheerleaders? Because they have a lot of spirit!
• What do sea monsters eat? Fish and ships.
• What did the Buddhist ask the hot dog vendor? “Make me one with everything.”
• What don’t ants get sick? They have anty-bodies.
• What is Forrest Gump’s email password? 1forrest1.
• What do you call a pig that does karate? A pork chop.
• Why do oranges wear sunscreen? So they don’t peel.
• What is a gust of wind’s favorite color? Blew.
• Why did the drum take a nap? It was beat.
• Why is it annoying to eat next to basketball players? They dribble all the time.
• Why did it get so hot in the baseball stadium after the game? All of the fans left.
• I like elephants. Everything else is irrelephant.
• Why are the Irish so wealthy? Because their capital is always Dublin.
• Why did the Football Coach go to the bank? To get his quarter back.
• Where are average things manufactured? The satisfactory.
• Where do cows go for entertainment? The mooooo-vies!
• Where do happy lightning bolts live? Cloud nine.
• Why should you knock on the refrigerator before opening the door? In case there is a salad dressing
• What do skateboarders do when they’re really talented? They GoPro!
• Why should you never ask a dinosaur to read a story if you are in a hurry? Their tales are too long.
• What kind of shoes does a lazy person wear? Loafers.
• When do you need to climb the ladder? To get to High School.
• People are always worried about their cell phones or microwaves spying on them. Truth is, those are not the appliances you need to be concerned about. It’s your Vacuum Cleaner that you need to be worried about – it’s been collecting dirt on you for years.
• Why do you go to bed at night? Because the bed won’t go to you!
• Why did Cinderella get kicked off the soccer team? Because she ran away from the ball.
• What did the snail who was riding on the turtle’s back say? Wheeeee!
• Why were the fish’s grades so bad? It was below sea level.
• Where do birds invest their money? The stork-market!
• Why did the manager bring a pencil and paper to the match? They were hoping for a draw!
• What lights up a soccer stadium? A soccer match.
• Where do young trees go to learn? Elementree school.
• In which part of New York do cholesterol levels tend to be lowest? Statin Island.
• Are you a cheetah? No, you lion!
• Why does everyone invite ice cream to the party? Because it’s so cool.
• Why do hurricanes wear a monocle to see? Because they have one eye!
• Why did the orange stop? It ran out of juice!
• Which superhero hits home runs? Batman!
• What breed of dog can jump higher than buildings? Any dog, because buildings can’t jump.
• Did you hear about the Italian chef who died? He pasta-way.
• Why did the piano teacher need a ladder? To reach the high notes!
• What’s the most musical part of the chicken? The drumstick.
• Did you hear about the man who got hit by the same bike every morning? It was a vicious cycle.
• Why can’t Chuck Norris use the internet? Because he won’t submit.
• Why do sharks live in salt water? Because pepper water makes them sneeze.
• What do Martians like to drink? Gravi-TEA.
• Why are skeletons so calm? Because nothing gets under their skin.
• What do Alexander the Great and Winnie the Pooh have in common? Same middle name.
• Why can’t you trust an atom? Because they make up everything.
• What do you get when you mix a cocker spaniel, a poodle, and a ghost? A cocker-poodle boo.
• Did you hear about the cheese factory that exploded in France? There was nothing left but de Brie.
• What did the grape say to the silly peanut butter? You’re nuts!
• Apparently, you can’t use “beef stew” as a password. It’s not stroganoff.
• Why did the gym close down? It just didn’t work out!
• How do you make holy water? You boil the hell out of it.
• Why does Snoop Dogg use an umbrella? Fo drizzle.
• How do you make a tissue dance? Put a little boogie in it.
• You know what I saw today? Everything I looked at.
• What kind of fishing bait do librarians use? Book-worms!
• Where do sheep go to get their hair cut? The baa-baa shop.
• Where did the music teacher leave her keys? In the piano!
• Is Google male or female? Female, because it doesn’t let you finish a sentence before making a suggestion.
• What type of sandals do frogs wear? Open-toad!
• Why did the woman go on the date with the mushroom? Because he was a fun-ghi.
• Why are there gates around cemeteries? Because people are dying to get in.
• What do planets sing in a choir? Nep-tunes.
• What is the center of gravity? The letter V!
• Why did the developer go broke? Because he used up all his cache.
• What happened when the computer fell on the floor? It slipped a disk.
• Which table fits in the fridge? VegeTABLE.
• How much money does a pirate pay for corn? A buccaneer.
• What did the yoga instructor say when her landlord tried to evict her? Namaste.
• Which month do trees dislike? Sep-timber!
• Why did the clown always choose the red balloon? Because they were pop-ular.
• What is the strongest animal in the sea? Mussels!
• What do horses say when they fall? Help, I’ve fallen and I can’t giddy up.
• What did the grape do when it got stepped on? It let out a little wine.
• What do you call a wrestler who always comes in second place? The Penultimate Warrior!
• Helvetica and Times New Roman walk into a bar. The bartender says, “We don’t serve your type.”