Funny

56 Minions Quotes to Reignite Your Love

These funny Minion quotes and lines are some of the most memorable moments from the movie. The Minions movie is all about the lovable, mischievous yellow creatures from the Despicable Me films. Now in their own movie, the minions are making us laugh with funny quotes and hilarious words.

These real Minions quotes are taken directly from the Minions and Despicable Me movie scripts. No interpretive sweet crappy meme text. See more ideas about minions funny, funny minion quotes, minions quotes.

Minions Quotes

#1. My tolerance level is extremely low proceed with caution!”

#2. You know you’re getting old when you feel bad in the morning without having had any fun the night before!”

#3. Sometimes those who don’t socialize much aren’t actually anti-social, they just have no tolerance for drama and fake people.”

#4. There’s only one thing that keeps me from breaking you in half, I don’t want two of you around.”

#5. Relationship goals: Talk like besties play like children argue like husband & wife protect each other like brother and sister”

#6. That awkward moment when you’re checking yourself out in the window of another car and realize there’s someone inside.”

#7. What doesn’t kill you makes you stronger. Except for bears. Bears will kill you.”

#8. That moment when you are having a conversation in your head and you realize you are making faces that go along with the silent conversation.”

#9. Finally, my winter fat is gone now I have spring rolls.”

Funny Minions Quotes

#11. There is absolutely no excuse for laziness. But if you find one, let me know.”

#12. I hate it when you offer someone a sincere compliment on their mustache and suddenly she’s not your friend anymore.”

#13. Hey, I didn’t mean to interrupt your scrolling… I just wanted to tell you that you are one big cup of awesome, sprinkled with fabulous, with a dash of crazy. And I’m glad that you’re my friend! Have a great day!”

#14. If being in my pajamas by 7 pm is wrong, then I don’t want to be right!”

#15. If you don’t like where you are, move. You are not a tree.”

#16. The problem with closed minded people is that their mouth is always opened.”

#17. I have A.D.D attract dumbasses disorder”

#18. Whoever said technology will replace paper… has obviously never tried to wipe their ass with an iPad.”

#19. My strength didn’t come from lifting weights. My strength came from lifting myself up every time I was knocked down.”

#20. Back in my day, if I wanted to download a song, I used to sit my old recorder next to the radio and wait for a cool song, then hit record!”

Best Minion sayings

#21. Today: A 9-year-old is happy when offered the latest iPhone. Then: Me, at 9 years old, I was happy to have this pen.”

#22. You’re weird. I like you.”

#23. Monday, it is. Do this, we must.”

#24. #But mom what if I get kidnapped?” #Trust me, they’d bring you back”

#25. It hurts when someone you love says mean things like #it’s time to wake up.”

#26. Warning! A virus called Monday is fast approaching. There is no cure. Just drink plenty of alcohol on Sunday night to ease the pain!”

#27. I go to sleep so late and wake up so early that I almost cross myself in the hallway!”

#28. Crazy pills take one every hour to prevent the urge of choking the hell out of someone who desperately deserves it! Caution if you see me without this bottle..”

#29. I would lose weight but I hate losing.”

#30. You are just jealous because I act retarded and people still love me;)”

Funny Minion Quotes

#31. My doctor asked me if I had ever had a stress test? Yes – I replied it’s called life”

#32. Sometimes, my greatest accomplishment… is just keeping my mouth shut!”

#33. School field trip the normal ones the quiet ones the naughty and nosy ones”

#34. My brain cells, skin cells, and hair cells continue to die. But my stubborn fat cells seem to have eternal life.”

#35. To all my friends and relatives who sent me #Best wishes”. Chain letters, angel letters or other promises of good luck none of that shit worked! Could you please just send cash, vodka, chocolate, Italian food, wine or airline tickets instead? Thank you”

#36. Funny Quotes with Minions Pictures

#37. Dear mind, please stop thinking so much at night…. I need to sleep.”

#38. Treat people the way you want to be treated. Talk to people the way you want to be talked to. Respect is earned, not given.”

#39. Two most honest people in this world: Drunk people and little kids.”

#40. My team when explaining a new drill”

Hilarious Minions Quotes

#41. Life is not like a box of chocolates, it’s like a plate of chilies. What you do today might burn your ass tomorrow.”

#42. I don’t want to be a grown-up anymore. It’s not nearly as much fun as it was supposed to be.”

#43. They say don’t try this at home…. So I’m going to go to my friend’s house and try it.”

#44. I hate it when you have to be nice to someone you really want to throw a brick at.”

#45. That awkward moment when your parents try to be funny in front of your friends.”

#46. I love the sound you make when you shut up”

#47. Who else speaks sarcasm as a second language?”

#48. Every day at work I wonder if this is going to be the day I accidentally scream: #Shut the F*ck up” out loud instead of just in my head.”

#49. Sleeping is so hard when you can’t stop thinking.”

#50. Age is just a number… yeah, and jail is just a room.”

Best Minion Quotes Images

#51. Warning! Bitching at me to do things won’t make me do them any faster if anything I’ll take even longer just to piss you the fuck off.”

#52. Sometimes even the devil on my shoulder asks ‘what the hell are you doing now?’”

#53. If you think nobody cares if you’re alive, just try missing a couple of payments.”

#54. I’m not the type of person you should put on speaker phone.”

#55. Don’t give me your attitude unless you want mine!!”

#56. The real definition of #Never Mind” is #You should’ve listened the first time.”

Funny minions quotes about life “I won’t beg for your time and attention anymore. The more you ignore me, the more I will get used to being ignored. If you stop calling me, will stop waiting for your calls. If you stop sending me text messages, I will get rid of my habit of checking my phone all day. The more you stay away from me, the more I will adapt to staying away from you. One day I will learn to live without you and move on.”

Minions Quotes to Reignite Your Love “Moving on is a difficult decision one has to make a few times in life. You can try to hold on to people who have walked away from you, or you can choose to create a dignified life for yourself. You can carry your mistakes with you, or you can choose to learn new things to better yourself. Eventually, moving on has nothing to do with people or what happened in the past. It has everything to do with how you rebuild your life from this moment on.”