Cool funny quotes about life and funny sayings “You only live once, but if you do it right, once is enough.” You can’t have a collection of funny life quotes without including some sarcastic sayings. Enjoy a few original quotes followed by quotes attributed to other sources, then explore these funny oxymoron quotes.
Hilarious quotes about life “I’m sweet, kind, lovable, and innocent… Shhhhh, stop laughing. You’re blowing my cover!” Looking for funny images and quotes or saying to reflect the humor that underlies many facets of life?
Cool Funny Quotes Life
“No need to repeat. If I cared, I would have listened the first time.”
“There are too many witnesses for me to tell you what I really think.”
“You’ve perfected overthinking as an art form.”
“No one is as smart as you think you are.”
“Perhaps you would benefit from adult supervision.”
“Go ahead and underestimate me. We’ll see how that works out for you.”
“If you don’t know who it is that everyone in the family complains about, it’s probably you.”
“If you have to go around telling people how awesome you are, there’s a pretty good chance that you’re the only one who actually thinks so.”
“Tact is for those who aren’t funny enough for sarcasm.”
“If you’re around someone who sucks all the air out of the room, go to another room.”
“With wisdom comes exhaustion.”
“If your carriage turns into a pumpkin, call an Uber.”
“It’s amazing how many people have developed shockingly blue eyes since Facebook filters were invented.”
“There’s nothing like a little alone time to make you appreciate your own company.”
“Life is short. Smile while you still have teeth.” – Anonymous”
Sarcastic Quotes About Life
“Your life is your story; you can write out any characters who aren’t enhancing the plot.”
“I’m in the mood to misbehave! Who’s with me?”
“Attention! I am out of order until further notice. My “stupid people” filter needs cleaning and my “give a damn” batteries have run out.”
“You went to the beauty parlor? What happened? Were they closed?”
“My mouth sometimes automatically says “shit” when something wrong happens.”
“Starting tomorrow whatever life throws at me, I’m ducking so it hits someone else!”
“While you are stabbing my back, you can kiss my ass too.”
“No dogs beyond this point.”
“Behind every great man is a woman rolling her eyes.”
“The classic husband and wife picture..”
“When I wake up in the morning.”
“Why do people always say “no offense” right before they offend you?”
“Me five minutes after showing up for work…. Arou I’m suffering.”
“Potty time?i will watch.”
“Everything matches thent after four martinis.”
“Some people call me crazy. I prefer the term happy with a twist.”
“My body knows how old I am but my mind refuses to believe it.”
“You’re supposed to be doing something else right now, aren’t you? Yeah, me too.”
“My current moods everyday never de toespier I’m astated. In a state of total suphoria.”
“Don’t underestimate me because I’m quiet. I know more than I speak and I observe more than you know. Than I say, think more.”
“Everyone should believe in something. I believe I should be on a beach drinking margaritas.”
“When you show up late to the bar so you decide to pound 7 beers to try to catch up with your friends… That’s a bold strategy cotton, let’s see if it pays off.”
“Our neighbor’s dogs have dug themselves a hole under our fence so that they can watch our dogs.”
“I am who I am. I’m weird, I run into things, I spill food, I trip, I laugh about random and stupid stuff. But I like it that way.”
“Anyone can make you smile, many people can make you cry, but it takes someone really special to make you smile with tears in your eyes…”
“Me and my husband when our kid is invited over to his friend’s house to spend the night.”
“There are two kinds of ikea shoppers…”
“Do you think regular dogs see police dogs and think.”
“I’m sorry I didn’t mean to province) tionality I’m just ugly “push all your buttons” I was just looking for mute!”
“What’s my favorite childhood memory? Not paying bills!”
“When you you don’t have left with your mouth wide open like. To sneeze but all of a sudden need to sneeze and now you’re just.”
“Look deep into my eyes and let me onto the bed.”
“I’m in shape. Unfortunately that shape is a potato.”
