Are you looking for some motivational Kenny Powers quotes? Check out this collection to learn how to be a winner in all aspects of your life! Kenny Powers is a character of Eastbound And Down series. Here are the best quotes from Kenny Powers to blow your mind.
Kenny Powers Quotes to keep you interested. Danny McBride portrays fictional world-famous baseball star Kenny Powers in the HBO comedy series Eastbound & Down. A once-prominent baseball pitcher, he is described as having a weak work ethic, a big ego, and a bad temper that endangered his professional future.
In the first season, Powers takes a job as a temporary physical education teacher while trying to get back into Major League Baseball. You’ll be inspired by these words from Kenny Powers.
Famous Kenny Powers Quotes
1. “In most of nature, the alpha is the strongest of the pack. Creatures of immense strength, large in size, a leader from birth, hippos, bumblebees, Wayans brothers—most of the time, they just look to the biggest amongst them.” — Kenny Powers
2. “That’s a toy that I made for Toby. It’s a fake T. Rex with a dildo crammed up its asshole. It’s one of Toby’s favorites. When you turn it on, it moves. Dildo-Saurus Rex, heh.” — Kenny Powers
3. “Is that my thong? Oh, dude no way! You do not go in my drawers and take out a pair of my chones. That is a big no-no!” — Kenny Powers
4. “The best way to get a new team on your side is to trash the last team you played for. Talk shit about how their fans suck and their women have pancake titties. If that doesn’t work, then just like prison, you pick the biggest, baddest dude on the team and you kick him in his fucking teeth.” — Kenny Powers
5. “I broke that birdbath for you ‘cause I knew you hated it, ‘cause we’re the same. I hate that fucking thing too. A stork, wrapped around a tree branch, that’s the stupidest thing I’ve ever seen before. You know that’s how the plague started, back in the day. It was from a little disgusting birdbath in someone’s backyard that rats made sex to birds in it and created a whole new type of aids.” — Kenny Powers
6. “Hello. School, can you hear me? Good morning, students, teachers, faculty members, lunch ladies, janitors. This is Kenny Powers, professional baseball player, and I got something I wanna say. A lot of you motherfuckers think you know who Kenny Powers is.” — Kenny Powers
7. “I’m genuinely sorry. I brought you guys up from less than fucking nothing and took you up to a championship level, only to leave you high and dry. Naked and nude. Prey. Easy targets for the competitions to rape and butt-fuck you. I’m sorry for that.” — Kenny Powers
8. is gay. Nobody wants to sit on a couch, wearing glasses, popping bubbles out of the air like some sorta fucked up Ray Charles. Oh, you like 3D? Well here’s a burrito, coming right at ya!” — Kenny Powers
9. “Well, that might be alright for you, but I was born to fly, dog. Michael Jordan—Air Jordans Air Maxes—number 24.” — Kenny Powers
10. “Yeah, Stevie, I’m pretty sure the guy I’m looking for didn’t direct the fucking Blair Witch Project. Just forget you ever heard the name Eduardo Sanchez. Forget that he supposedly lives in a village near here. Forget that he is not Mexican, but a gringo.” — Kenny Powers
11. “Decent cookout, April. I don’t believe you’ve met my fuck buddy, Tracey. She’s actually a professional runway model. She’s also a very, very famous painter in France. Yup, she has several works of fine art hanging up in the Loove-ray.” — Kenny Powers
12. “I am talking about me. I want—these are questions about me personally as a superstar. You know, you got this moment in time here with an American icon and you’re gonna waste it asking a question about the fucking mile?” — Kenny Powers
13. “Once upon a time, I believed in destiny, but now I say, ‘F that B.’ Everything I have in this life, I earned myself. There’s no cosmic luck deciding shit for us. My wealth, my fame, my World Series pennant—I earned myself. The one thing I didn’t earn myself was when I caught crabs. I think I got those from sleeping at a Red Roof Inn.” — Kenny Powers
14. “It’s like goddamn Cocktoberfest in here. I’m excited too, but let’s not touch dicks, alright?” — Kenny Powers
15. “The humongous part about being a celebrity is cashing in on it—making shitloads of money, having expensive, luxurious things. That way, in case one day you’re not famous, you can still be rich as hell and better than everyone around you.” — Kenny Powers
16. “Before I go, I don’t want to leave you empty handed, I’m going to be signing a personalized headshot for each and every one of you. The only thing I would ask is that you would have your name prepared, because I don’t want to have to ask the same question thirty fucking times.” — Kenny Powers
17. “If you’re lucky, you get a second act in life. But sooner or later, death will come—unannounced. Old Man Reaper comes to reclaim your soul. All you can hope for is that the people you loved will cherish the time they spent with you.” — Kenny Powers
18. “Well, my comeback is almost complete, and I can say that when it is complete, it will shake the pillars of this land or town. My story is the story of a raging Christ figure who tore himself off the cross and looked at the Romans, with blood in his eyes, and said, ‘My turn now, cocksuckers.’” — Kenny Powers
19. “Well, I wouldn’t want to ruin a sale, huh? Guess you guys got to make those commissions to be able to buy all the goddamn—the FUBU, and the Oshkosh B’gosh, and the shit the baby’s gonna be wearing. Hey, potential home buyers. Hope ya’ll know there were a lotta rapes that happened in this house.” — Kenny Powers
20. “Let’s face it, guys, after midnight, this whole fucking place turns into a pumpkin, and you guys all turn back into mice. This is a classic Cinderella tale here. You know, Peter Pan will no longer be a man, he’ll turn into a real boy. George Washington will never be able to cut down the beanstalk. You guys will eventually just go back to being the shittiest Mexican baseball team in Mexico.” — Kenny Powers
21. “Reminds me of why I’m here in the first place. A quest is nothing’ if you got no one to brag about it to, will never reach the end if you’re only doing it for yourself.” — Kenny Powers
22. “Chapter one, continued. More of what I was just saying. Never in a million years would I imagine myself being in Mexico. After all, who would? Most Mexicans spend the bulk of their day just trying to get out, so you can hardly blame foreigners like myself for not thinking’ about getting’ in.” — Kenny Powers
23. “Okay, Toby, here we go, bud. We’re going to put you on the big people’s furniture. Try not to shit all over it, okay?” — Kenny Powers
24. “There is one image in my life that consistently makes me happy no matter when I think about it. And that image—that one image is your big tits.” — Kenny Powers
25. “In the end, you judge a man by how he influenced the world. You judge him by the seeds he left behind. And you judge his seeds by the harvest. Well, Kenny Powers’ harvest remains unknown. But, I’m pretty goddamn proud of my seeds.” — Kenny Powers
26. “This is me every night dude, just staring at buttholes and getting a buzz on.” — Kenny Powers
27. “Purity—it’s what we all desire, and it is what I’ve come here to share with you. Hence the all whites.” — Kenny Powers
28. “Know that you’ll never, ever reach the heights that you’re gonna reach tonight. But you can leave here knowing that you helped Kenny Powers’ dreams come true—for a bunch of Mexican baseball players, that ain’t too bad.” — Kenny Powers
29. “Gross! You’re crop-dusting my whole entire bedroom with your pubes right now. Don’t be sorry, dude. Just cover up that marble sack.” — Kenny Powers
30. “I recognize your scent. Do you recognize my essence? Yeah? Yeah, that feels familiar? I think I’m going to need to change my pants. I’m just playing, I didn’t come in my pants.” — Kenny Powers
31. “My son is the main star of the play—his part is more important than all the other children.” — Kenny Powers
32. “Did this tale end the way I thought it would? Probably not. But as long as I win, who gives a shit.” — Kenny Powers
33. “People say, Kenny Powers is a woman hater. That’s not true. I love women. Every fucking one of them, even the ugly as shit ones. But, don’t ask me to trust ’em. Not even nuns, because every pair of tits comes with a gaping hole of need that even Kenny Powers can’t fill.” — Kenny Powers
34. “Goddamn! I’m shitting gold these days! Kinda makes me wonder why the hell so many people are trying’ to tell me to slow down. Seems like motherfuckers should be shutting’ the hell up, and enjoy the show.” — Kenny Powers
35. “You know what? I can already tell that I don’t like you. And I’m probably not gonna like you no matter how many pull-ups or push-ups you do. All right, anybody who wants to pick on anybody in class, aim for him, ‘cause I’m not watching.” — Kenny Powers
36. “Ask anybody out there, and they’ll tell you that the foundation of a great baseball player starts with an understanding of some basic fundamentals. Running, stretching, physical conditioning. These are the things that prepare your body for the many challenges a baseball player faces.” — Kenny Powers
37. “Many moons ago the white man stole their land, so they’re instantly gonna have a hatred for you. I want you to keep Dakota by your side, and never show ’em an ounce of fear—one day, you can gain their respect.” — Kenny Powers
38. “A lot of people ask me, ‘Kenny Powers, you’re a giant star. You can get any woman. Have you ever paid for sex?’ And the answer is yes, I have. And it’s actually kinda cool. You can negotiate practically anything and sometimes, even just kind of do stuff in the moment that you never agreed to pay for and it goes by without much argument.” — Kenny Powers
39. “Sure, I’ve been called a xenophobe, but the truth is, I’m not. I honestly just feel that America is the best country and the other countries aren’t as good. That used to be called patriotism.” — Kenny Powers
40. “This is a real job, it’s not like teaching kids. I can’t get fucked up.” — Kenny Powers
41. “There’s no doubt my stock is soaring. I’m more recognizable than I’ve ever been. I think it’s high time we finally cash in on these lucrative opportunities that my fame has brought upon us.” — Kenny Powers
42. “Cassie, big ups to you for being supportive. You’ve got much bigger balls than your husband does. Much better man than him.” — Kenny Powers
43. “God has taken a dump on my face. The love of my life doesn’t want to have sex with me ‘cause she’s marrying some smoothie eatin’ fairy.” — Kenny Powers
44. “I play real sports. Not trying to be the best at exercising. Fuck this guy.” — Kenny Powers
45. “Stay in school. Fight the power. Don’t do drugs. Unless, of course, you’re doing them with me.” — Kenny Powers
46. “I’ve had a lot of memories and sometimes, I have to dump the small ones to make room for the bigger ones. But sometimes, when you try to dump the smaller ones, you think they’re gone but they’re not. They’re sitting there, waiting to pick up exactly where they left off. No matter if there are new memories standing in their way or not.” — Kenny Powers
47. “Hey man, Dustin Jr. is a well adjusted kid, he’s responsible enough to own an assault rifle.” — Kenny Powers
48. “It’s no mystery that ass has always been tits’ greatest enemy. It’s almost like a Muslim-Jewish thing, but with tits and ass.” — Kenny Powers
49. “I used my God given abilities to destroy men’s lives. I betrayed good people. I ruthlessly stepped upon the weak and the strong, I turned ’em into my slaves. Even the fiercest of warriors was nothing to me—powerless.” — Kenny Powers
50. “Her son? You came out of her vagina? I was all up in that shit last night!” — Kenny Powers
51. “But, to capture the heart of one of your teachers, and take her away from you forever. So at this time I would like the beautiful, the forgiving, the talented, big-chested art teacher, to please step forward.” — Kenny Powers
52. “I do all these things not because I want to, but because I have to. From this moment forward, Kenny Powers is just like everyone else; normal, not special; no hopes or dreams; pretending to be happy when he’s really super sad. Just an average guy, with exceptional hair.” — Kenny Powers
53. “You want to know about relationships? I know all there is to know. Just ask my second wife, Tina. Yeah, she was a stripper. And if Montel Williams wants to talk shit some more then he can go fuck himself cause those charges were dropped.” — Kenny Powers
54. “You know, April, when I told you that I was unhappy with you and the kids, that wasn’t true. I was never unhappy with you guys, I was unhappy with myself. I just wanted to be a success. It turns out I was a success the whole entire time. As a father, a husband, and a pretty goddamn good one at that. I just thought you should know.” — Kenny Powers
55. “Oddly enough, the people here aren’t that different from the ones back home, when you get past the lack of interest in real sports, and the need to have yellow rice at every fuckin’ meal.” — Kenny Powers
56. “A goddamn Mexican standoff in fuckin’ Mexico. I was hoping to get into one of these before I left.” — Kenny Powers
57. “I need you to score me some juice.” — Kenny Powers
58. “That sweet tailpipe of yours did have me charmed. It put a spell on me, but all the ass magic in Mexico can’t change Kenny Powers from his core beliefs. I’m not an ass man. I’m a tit man. I like big ass boobs—now, and forever. I’m not like a black guy, Vida.” — Kenny Powers
59. “Funny thing, when you’re on top of the world, every motherfucker wants to get a piece of your ass. But then, you take a little time off from being unstoppable just to regroup and relax, no one will give you the time of fuckin’ day.” — Kenny Powers
60. “You named your baby after Titanic? What’s this mother fucker’s name? Shrek?” — Kenny Powers
61. “But, of course, the future is sure to hold its fair share of miseries. All kinds of shitty sorrows. I find solace in the fact that from each sorrow, comes a little bit of knowledge. And with knowledge comes wisdom.” — Kenny Powers
62. “I got two hard rules I live by, Pop; I don’t fuck with the devil, and I never do tag-teams with blood relatives. Take it easy, old man.” — Kenny Powers
63. “The only job I got is teaching a bunch of pisspants how to tie their shoes.” — Kenny Powers
64. “In most of nature, the alpha is the strongest of the pack. Creatures of immense strength, large in size, a leader from birth, hippos, bumblebees, Wayans brothers—most of the time, they just look to the biggest amongst them.” — Kenny Powers
65. “That’s a toy that I made for Toby. It’s a fake T. Rex with a dildo crammed up its asshole. It’s one of Toby’s favorites. When you turn it on, it moves. Dildo-saurus Rex, heh.” — Kenny Powers
66. “Is that my thong? Oh, dude no way! You do not go in my drawers and take out a pair of my chones. That is a big no-no!” — Kenny Powers
67. “The best way to get a new team on your side is to trash the last team you played for. Talk shit about how their fans suck and their women have pancake titties. If that doesn’t work, then just like prison, you pick the biggest, baddest dude on the team and you kick him in his fucking teeth.” — Kenny Powers
68. “Undaunted, I knew the game was mine to win. Just like in life, all of my successes depend on me. I’m the man who has the ball, I’m the man who can throw it faster than fuck. So that is why I am better than everyone in the world. Kiss my ass and suck my dick, everyone.” — Kenny Powers
69. “Honey, I love you. I think you’re a terrific girl. But you have clothes like a fucking dickhead.” — Kenny Powers
70. “When we were kids, me and your Dad used to beat the shit out of these retard brothers that used to live down the street from us. Hilarious! I mean this guy was the most ruthless one! Now, I’m sittin here, he’s got a family, nice shirt on.” — Kenny Powers
71. “I’m genuinely sorry. I brought you guys up from less than fucking nothing and took you up to a championship level, only to leave you high and dry. Naked and nude. Prey. Easy targets for the competitions to rape and butt-fuck you. I’m sorry for that.” — Kenny Powers
72. “Well, that might be alright for you, but I was born to fly, dog. Michael Jordan—Air Jordans Air Maxes—number 24.” — Kenny Powers
73. “Yeah, Stevie, I’m pretty sure the guy I’m looking for didn’t direct the fucking Blair Witch Project. Just forget you ever heard the name Eduardo Sanchez. Forget that he supposedly lives in a village near here. Forget that he is not Mexican, but a gringo.” — Kenny Powers
74. “Decent cookout, April. I don’t believe you’ve met my fuck buddy, Tracey. She’s actually a professional runway model. She’s also a very, very famous painter in France. Yup, she has several works of fine art hanging up in the Loove-ray.” — Kenny Powers
75. “I am talking about me. I want—these are questions about me personally as a superstar. You know, you got this moment in time here with an American icon and you’re gonna waste it asking a question about the fucking mile?” — Kenny Powers
76. “Once upon a time, I believed in destiny, but now I say, ‘F that B.’ Everything I have in this life, I earned myself. There’s no cosmic luck deciding shit for us. My wealth, my fame, my World Series pennant—I earned myself. The one thing I didn’t earn myself was when I caught crabs. I think I got those from sleeping at a Red Roof Inn.” — Kenny Powers
77. “It’s like goddamn Cocktoberfest in here. I’m excited too, but let’s not touch dicks, alright?” — Kenny Powers
78. “How does any genius figure out his inventions? I mean, how did Leonardo DiCaprio figure out about gravity? ‘Cause the bitch was sleeping’ underneath a tree and an apple hit him on his head.” — Kenny Powers
79. “Well, I’m here today to tell y’all you don’t know shit. There comes a time in every man’s life when he’s got to take a look at himself in a mirror and decide just exactly who he is. Well, I’ve come to that crossroads and I’ve decided. Kenny Powers is a man. Kenny Powers is an athlete. Kenny Powers is a lover. But the most he is, I mean, the thing that Kenny Powers is the most, is a goddamn champion.” — Kenny Powers
80. “There have been many comebacks throughout history; Jesus was dead, but then came back as an all-powerful God zombie. Ryan O’Neal had his ups and downs, but is now back and better than ever.” — Kenny Powers
Which Kenny Powers quotation struck you the most? Due to his rage, Kenny Powers was kicked out of the baseball league. Despite his work shifts, he gained valuable life experience. He understood that in order to live your best life, you must be determined, persistent, and loyal.
His connections and his life saw numerous adjustments as well. He developed into a fantastic friend and father. These examples demonstrate that suffering, disappointment, and rejection don’t prevent people from succeeding in life.
In addition to having a funny personality, Kenny Powers’ epiphanies are universal. Let everyone have a victory of hunger and thirst! Did you find this collection to be enjoyable? Which quotations stand out to you? Post a comment below.
